Katanah's Journal

Subject:	Kitniyot for Pesach?
Time:	11:42 pm.
Mood:	anxious.

I've recently been really frustrated while trying to figure out what we will or won't do for Pesach. This article on Ashkenazi Jews in Israel eating kitniyot during Passover is beyond where I draw the line, currently, but it does touch on some of my difficulties. Every year, it gets harder to figure out what we can and can't have in the house (for housemates and friends, and even with my husband). Every year, I wonder where to draw the line. Do we go by ingredient list? Do we decide sunflower seed oil isn't okay? Is something that was processed in the same plant as peanuts not okay? (Such things are often marked with potential allergen warnings on the package, here in the US.) If we're only going by ingredients (which we have, some years), is it or is it not okay to eat batches of my own applesauce, which I know for certain were made only with apples and water and spices (but they were made in a non-Pessidic pot)?

As recently as yesterday, I have defended myself as a Jew who decides things by researching and making my own decisions, sometimes with the help of community members and/or rabbi(s), but also sometimes just from my own research and contemplation of what seems best. I don't do things simply because some rabbi somewhere says to. But when it comes to Passover, the inclination is strong to just take a list off a rabbi's website and use that to figure out what to eat or not eat for the holiday. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

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Subject:	Conservative Heksher?
Time:	12:52 pm.
Mood:	angry.

I was excited to hear that rabbis within the Conservative movement were putting together a hekshering authority to make sure that such ethical mistakes such as have been alleged at Rubashkin's meat wouldn't occur in kosher meat again. However, having read an article discussing the heksher, I was absolutely astounded by the vitriol contained within the response commentaries. I don't think I've ever read such lashon hara from reputedly observant Jews. I am astonished and outraged by some of the assumptions and accusations therein.

As a Conservative Jew who keeps kosher, I have been boycotting Aaron's and Rubashkin's meat for several months now. I consider the ethical infringements a violation of halacha. It is inconvenient, and has led to a largely vegetarian diet in my household (with occasional trips to Brookline and Newton, and now in addition, my favorite butcher has put at least a temporary hold on his supervision) ... But that was what I could do to make sure that what I was eating was kosher according to my understanding of halacha.

I do not presume to think that other Jews keep the mitzvot the ways that I do. I wish that other Jews would extend that favor to me. Ultimately, Hashem will have to sort us out, and I prefer not to try to co-opt His job.

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Subject:	Reconciliation
Time:	5:34 pm.
Mood:	thoughtful.

How does one reconcile observant Judaism and queer issues?

My answer: I'm not frum, exactly, but I'm observant. I used to identify as Conservadox, having been on an Orthodox path for a few years. I don't do the O thing anymore partly because of queer issues, but Masorti (abroad) and Conservative (U.S.) movements have enough room for me to do traditional observance where it works for me, and still be myself and hold my feminist, queer-loving beliefs. :)

I think, these days, that I identify far more as a Conservative Jew than anything else in the Jewish spectrum. It's the shoe that fits, lately, and it's darn comfortable at times. There are moments when I look at friends in other movements and think, "omg, that really wouldn't work for me." Not that they are doing anything wrong, but that it wouldn't work for me, that it's not how I see myself in relation to God.

I've also been doing a bit of reading of Rabbi Horowitz. Points to ponder, although I do not share his perspective on the issues.

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Subject:	Today's Orthodoxy?
Time:	4:54 pm.

Cartoon about putting fences around the Torah.

Okay, I was amused, at least.

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Subject:	This breaks my heart.
Time:	4:45 pm.
Mood:	sad.

Dementia brings back the Holocaust.

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Subject:	... But does it have a heksher?
Time:	6:35 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Convert to Judaism! Instantly!

Via

ginamariewade. OMGROTFLBBQ.

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Subject:	Converts in the News
Time:	3:07 pm.
Mood:	frustrated.

I don't know how best to deal with conversion issues, but I don't think this is it. Fifteen years later, declaring a woman and her children to not be "real Jews?"

Argh. Obviously, she's not the Orthodox definition of Jewish today if she's not observing Shabbos or taharat ha mishpacha. But still ... I really don't think this is the answer.

There is no convert for whom 100% of the Jews will say, "yes, I think that person is now a real Jew."

This ruling, however, means that converts will eternally be looking over their shoulders, that they might be retroactively declared not Jewish enough. Heck, what's next, looking back in the geneology to find a convert a few generations ago who won't pass muster by today's standards?

I really don't know what the answer is. I just don't think that this it.

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Subject:	Jewish Hair
Time:	7:02 pm.
Mood:	tired.

I'm having trouble with hair covering lately. So I'm nattering more about it.

When I got married Jewishly, I wanted something to be different from the days before (when I was only legally married). So I started experimenting with hair covering. At first, I covered every bit of hair as much as possible, tying my hair up in scarves during the summer and wearing huge hats that caught the contours of my hair in the winter.

That's a tangent. Heck, most of this post is built on tangents, because I'm still floundering, still trying to find my way, and it's hard going.

I think that most married Jewish women 50 years ago didn't cover their hair except in shul, and I'm thinking of going by that standard for a while to see if it makes me happier. I hate feeling trapped by my Judaism. I feel like many O Jews will tell me that it's not about what I want or feel, it's about what G-d has decreed. But I hardly see G-d as having given a clear decree on most subjects. Certainly not this subject.

And, after all, I'm the one who's practicing this Judaism. As with all other things, I'm the one who has to make my peace with it and answer to G-d in the end.

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Subject:	Separate and Immersed
Time:	10:02 am.
Mood:	awake.

Trichitzah -- is it for you? This is an interesting approach for those who want to have an egalitarian minyan and yet leave room for those who want separate seating for the genders. I would daven in such a setting, but I suspect my Orthodox friends wouldn't. Thoughts?

Is the Mikveh for Me? I agree with this author that the atmosphere of the mikveh colors the immersion experience tremendously. I know I vastly prefer to go to Mayyim Hayyim for this reason.

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Subject:	Minyanim of Studentville, MA
Time:	8:55 pm.
Mood:	amused.

Belatedly, I read this hilarious link about the minyanim of Studentville, MA from

llennhoff. Not that I recognize my own minyan(im) there ... :P

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Subject:	Hair Today ...
Time:	2:58 pm.
Mood:	discontent.

I'm having hair issues.

I'm bored with my hats, and putting my hair up all the time gives me major headaches (experimentation with hats over the past couple of months has confirmed that it's the consistent tying back and putting into scarves that gives me the real headpounders -- one day in 7 or more is fine). In general, I miss my hair. I stand out at work for covering my hair, to the point where good-natured jokes and comments are made about it. It's a hassle to put up my hair, frankly, in more ways than one. And few others in my local Jewish community cover their hair, even some of the traditional-leaning and Orthodox women. It's certainly not a local custom among my closer friends, although I do have a number of non-local friends who do it.

When I started covering my hair, for the first year, I constantly told myself that I was just trying it, that I wasn't sure it was a binding law or simply a recent tradition. It's been nearly two years now, and I have very rarely let someone other than my husband or immediate family see my hair. But what used to be an important symbol to me of my commitment to Judaism has often lately been a way in which I stick out like a sore thumb, a way in which I receive unwanted attention, and something I feel frustrated by.

I miss my hair. But I also feel like that's not a good reason to change my religious practice. It boils down, mostly, to my vanity. The fact that I really like my hair and have worked hard to have healthy long hair shouldn't impact whether or not I cover it.

So I continue to ponder, and am trying some experimentation. We'll see. Maybe I'll just cut it really short, and see how that changes my perspective (if at all).

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Subject:	Exercise Clothing Minhag
Time:	2:04 pm.
Mood:	energetic.

When I first started worrying about tznius clothing, back in ... 2000 or 2001? ... I sadly put away my jeans. I retain a pair today because they are good for painting in, when I'm home, but that's about it.

I have, however, bought a number of pair of sweat pants recently. I discovered early into my public exercising career (read: me going to the gym) that exercising in a skirt not only draws more attention to me, but it's also damn awkward and potentially hazardous.

Today, we go ice skating. My minhag of wearing sweat pants for exercising shall be extended to this, too. I skated in a skirt last year or the year before, on the shul trip, and ended up with a slight concussion. Not so much because of the skirt, but because it cut into my reaction time when someone ahead of me cut in abruptly.

Safe is better than tznius, in this case. I will still wear a warm hat over my hair, and I'm confident God will forgive me for any immodesty that loose sweatpants might convey.

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Subject:	Because it matters whether you're female, if you want to cook ...
Time:	10:17 pm.

I'm sorry, this irks me a little. Just how do you say, "if you're a guy, you can't cook with us!" online? Maybe I'm reading too much into the comments.

I'm female. I suspect everyone reading this knows that. I believe in equality, not "separate but equal." My feminism is another one of those pesky things that convinced me to convert Conservative.

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Subject:	Food for thought, via llennhoff
Time:	3:22 pm.
Mood:	contemplative.

This is making me contemplative. I'm not sure that the author really describes my life, either, but this is definitely something worth thinking about. "Not so frum Orthodox." Hm?

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Subject:	Related Ponderances
Time:	1:37 pm.

Please don't take this back to the WJ2 community or

amawahibiki's personal journal. It's clear that he and the moderator of WJ2 have their own opinions of how to treat "fake Jews," who they are, etc., and that's not going to change.

I am interested in dissecting parts of the discussion for me, however.

I don't see where he gets this from Pirkei Avot, but I don't have the text myself, and online translations are not notoriously reliable. In my humble opinion, I should think that loving your neighbor involves loving your neighbor whether or not they're a Jew, but that could just be my uneducated-ness speaking. Is there a Talmudic definition of neighbor that means "only a Jew?" And what is the precise definition of Ger Toshav?

I disagree with the man's ideas, obviously. I fail to see how I'm harming Israel as a people or as a land -- I am actually supportive of both, in finances, acts, and words. I'm also open about my conversion, and the fact that my husband is also a C convert, so any child of ours is not marriageable by Orthodox standards unless another conversion takes place. I know that. Other than the fact that I simply *exist*, howinhell am I harming anyone? I'd really like to know.

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Subject:	Halachic Non-Ethical Treatment
Time:	3:27 pm.
Mood:	annoyed.

Well, I'm trying to get a real answer out of

amawahibiki or whatever his name is on Weirdjews2, on why he thinks it's okay, halachicly, to treat those he deems not to be Jews in an unethical manner, specifically violating mitzvot that he says don't apply to those who aren't Jews. I actually really want an answer as to where he thinks halacha says Jews can treat non-Jews like crap. But since he's decided I'm not a Jew, he won't give me an answer. Any of you "real Jews" out there want to get him to reveal his halachic brilliance? I'd really appreciate the favor.

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Subject:	Bad Jew, Good Jew, Not a Jew ...
Time:	10:46 am.
Mood:	irritated.

I really shouldn't let this upset me, should I?

Nobody's perfect, but this

amahawikibiki or whatever is such as ass. And yet *he's* a "real" Jew. Well, at least I'm not an asshole, and I don't define whether I'm Jewish (or whether other gerim are, for that matter) by his terms, baruch Hashem.

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Subject:	Orthodox Protest in Jerusalem
Time:	1:42 pm.
Mood:	angry.

Now here's something I don't read every day:

Ultra-Orthodox Jews have rioted in Jerusalem nearly every night over the past week, burning garbage cans, blocking roads and assaulting police officers in an attempt to get the authorities to call off the march, approved months ago by the Supreme Court. Many religious Jews, Muslims and Christians see homosexuality as a sin and the march as an affront to the sanctity of the holy city.

This is just awful. Most of the Orthodox Jews I know personally are of the "live and let live, let people sort it out between them and God" philosophy. I appreciate that sentiment much more, as a bisexual woman.

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Subject:	Removing a Mitzvot?
Time:	11:40 am.

This comment on

weirdjews is da bomb. Read the whole post for bonus points!

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Subject:	On the Topic of Forgiveness
Time:	11:20 pm.
Mood:	thoughtful.

Okay, I've had a lot of heavy shit going on for me, the past couple of days. I'm only prepared to talk about one part, right now.

I've been reading a self-help book, How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To by Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring. It's been a really helpful book, I gotta say. I've even convinced my therapist and my husband to read it.

I used to believe the Christian idea of forgiveness, which is that the onus is on the offended party to offer forgiveness if asked, and bonus points if you weren't asked to begin with, because that means you're on a higher moral plane or something. This soured for me after the first time I was grievously injured, but it remained my only real context for forgiveness for a long time. I didn't see a real difference between the "forgiveness" I was raised with and the concepts taught by Judaism, although it's possible that I just never had them spelled out so explicitly before. Judaism does have Yom Kippur, in which the offending party is supposed to seek out its victim and ask forgiveness (up to three times) from its victim. However, I have heard few folks from either camp address the issue of amelioration for the harms caused.

After reading this book, I finally can stop thinking I'm crazy for wanting the offender to try to make amends for his/her offense. As the author herself writes, We are all searching for an answer, some new approach, that frees us from the corrosive effects of hate, gives voice to the injustice, and helps us to make peace with the person who hurt us and with ourselves.. Yep, that's my wishlist, all right.

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